ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
