Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
