I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
