Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i will never coherently bang her
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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