The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
