I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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