there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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