I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
