You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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