Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
