I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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