Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
