I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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