Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
