This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
