i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
