They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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