"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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