sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
