i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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