i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
