like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
