I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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