im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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