it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
