he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
