i jhust puked up my retainher.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
