We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
