Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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