you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
