i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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