Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
