I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
