yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
