I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
