I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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