I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
