Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
