we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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