I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize