So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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