So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
