On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I wish there were birth control emojis
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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