Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
