y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I just pynch a tree in the face
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
