i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
