Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
