i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Randomize