i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
