Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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