My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
