You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
