I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
