I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The power of my boobs compel you
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
