i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
