Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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