You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize