you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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