I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
