I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
This is classic penis vs brain.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
