I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
