you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
