I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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