Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize