It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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