You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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