How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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