we're blogging at a bar
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
