I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there's paper in my vomit.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
