I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize